When we can experience the entire emotional spectrum of a situation we have more perspective on how to work with it – obviously, but… most of us have become so avoidant of vulnerability that we have become limited in our capacity to embrace all of what our relationships are giving us in the moment (which equates to a rather limited response). And we’ve become avoidant rightfully so, as for most of us in childhood, being vulnerable generally equated to shame, pain or instability – or the fear of these things in a time when we did not have the support and perspective to handle such relationships and situations any other way. This is why the journey of learning how to fully love ourselves leads us to speaking our honest truths, acting independently of what others may think of us, setting healthy boundaries, etc – we have something powerful to stand on. This is where we truly learn how to love with gentleness and vigilance, unconditionality, patience, and spaciousness. And this is where we become deeply resourced to the point of being able to make space to understand others more deeply, especially in conflict. It’s where we become more and more open to life and the holy spectrum that exists in any relationship and situation.
And this is why no matter what direction issues and conflicts may take us, and no matter how important it seems to keep hashing out details and figuring out solutions, if we want to be fully aligned with our capacity to be empowered in relationships we must bring our attention to what is happening in the heart (ours and other’s) – no matter how uncomfortable the truth of it may feel, and no matter how fruitless or useless connecting to such vulnerable feelings may seem to our mind in that moment. Getting to the heart of the matter will always help untie the gnarliest of knots because the process of feeling feelings penetrates the layers of the conditioned thought process that we are looping in, and by doing so it reaches the very source of those deep reactions and perceptions that reside on the edge of our awareness.
From this place we can embody an understanding that is more vast, loving and integrated, which in turn expands the sense of ourselves that we identify with, rippling through every aspect of the relationship.