We need love and safety like we need air – and if we take the air out of the room for any single person on the planet, they will get desperate. When those we love or those we barely know act in ways that are closed, harsh, righteous, negative, controlling, etc, it is a sign that, on some level, they are experiencing a kind of desperation that fuels such fear-based reactivity. This is them fighting for safety or love – Or this is you or me fighting for safety or love.
When I notice that I’m beginning to contract (or that I’m in the midst of such contraction, even subtly – and wow can it be subtle) I need to find my way back to air – to the awareness that I’m simply tripping out in some delusion that hooked my mind into some drama.
This is partly why taking something personally is part of the same delusion – as if in order to be OK in the depth of our being we need another to act a certain way. That belief muddies our ability to see clearly where we need to love and accept ourselves much more deeply.
The division created by our old, usually fortified and often righteous perceptions and beliefs, ironically, was developed in times when we felt we needed to protect ourselves, usually as children.
The layers of resistance are so subtle that I need to reboot my own operating system many times a year, and be open to rebooting it in any moment.