Trying out, “I don’t know anything and I need help all of the time.”

I find that the 95% I believe that I know about something has less of an impact on my life than the 5% I don’t know. That 5% kicks my ass over and over, humbling me to yield my ego to the Unknown – and so a few years ago I started saying to myself, “I don’t know anything, and I need help all the time.” It helps, especially if the righteous part of myself want’s to grab the wheel – which is usually brought on my some kind of fear anyway.
I’m now not sure that I do know anything – it just might be that I’m aware of my beliefs or ideas, and that’s it. My interpretation of you, for example, will get in the way of me making an attempt to connect to you and who you are in the moment. Understanding is easier found when I’m humble enough to be empty of my seemingly insightful analysis and deconstructions.
And those moments that I am not open to receiving help can be easily justified – I may not actually require help. But if I listen more deeply, while I may not require the help, I can pick up on very subtle forms of resistance to needing help in the first place, and resistance for me is usually born from some old fear about being weak or not having it all together and figured out.
Understanding is so seductive because understanding is one of the main tools we tend to use to feel safe and secure in all of our relationships. To let go of this strategy is to be in free-fall, with only deeper awareness and the intelligence of the heart to keep us in the flow. It’s a total letting go of control (or the illusion of control that I like to create). That’s why, for me it’s actually said more like this: “I don’t know ANYTHING and I need help ALL the time.” Cut the cord and fly.

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