If we think about the sheer number of times when we were children that we perceived – on a daily basis, that we weren’t being positively received by others, we can then get a better idea of how our nervous system (and mind) became conditioned to vigilantly scan if we are being accepted or even potentially rejected… right up to this moment.
I didn’t experience much social inclusion until I was about 13, which was pretty brutal. And I’m realizing more and more the nature of my own mind chatter, and how it relates specifically to this fight-or-flight reactivity as a child.
We all want to be loved and safe, of course. And this makes us incredibly vulnerable. For me, understanding the exquisite beauty in this vast humility is primarily what has enabled me to unconditionally love myself and others. Ultimately, I believe, it is only through listening deeply and lovingly to the vulnerabilities of ourselves and others that we can each begin to truly learn how to fully give and receive love in any relationship. And if we are not seeing another’s vulnerability, we are likely caught up in the more superficial layers of either their defenses or our own projections – both born from this same kind of protective strategy I mentioned above.
I’m not writing this for “likes” or affirming comments, yet the wounded part will still be looking for it… even as I lovingly call it back into my heart.