Here is a quick, simple and very doable process that can create deeper connection, greater understanding, and a more solid platform for better support.
When we talk to children, or anybody, for that matter, there are so many of our own personal issues that easily and often get in the way of being fully present with them. Human as it is, our own assumptions, perceptions, attachments, beliefs, and old unprocessed feelings can be hard to see in the moment. These personal issues are the main forces behind the disconnection between ‘us’ and ‘them’.
When you talk to your child about anything, I invite you to consider the following questions, and to write them down daily for a month straight to make it a practice.
What is my intention in talking to my child right now?
Is it to truly connect and understand, or, is it to only get to the outcome that I want, perhaps regardless of connection? Not focusing on connection tends to backfire, making everything harder and take far longer in the end.
What am I stubbornly attached to?
What do I believe needs to be different than what is actually happening? Can I first be with what is happening, and then meet my child there? Can I then explore a possible shift? Am I pushing an agenda that gives him/her the message that we are on different teams, creating a power struggle?
What will create more connection?
First and foremost, how can I understand and validate my child’s inner-world more? How can I honor my child’s process? Secondly, how can I share my own process as well, without imposing it on my child? Can I rather help him/her better comprehend my intention, even if it isn’t well received?
From this place of respect and understanding, it becomes way more possible and productive to address the issues that you may disagree on.